Nicole In Pain

What life had become...

It was as if my whole life had been quietly re-mapped around pain.
Every decision — what to wear, how long to sit, whether I could accept an invitation — was filtered through an invisible checklist of “Will this hurt? Will I pay for it later?”

The things that used to be automatic — sitting at a café with a friend, going for a walk without thinking about posture, even laughing freely — became calculated risks. My body no longer felt like a safe home; it felt unpredictable, like a place I had to tiptoe around.

I was constantly tired, not just from the pain itself, but from the mental strain of managing it. My mind was always scanning, assessing, bracing. And in the quiet moments, the ache was joined by a heavier weight — the isolation of knowing most people couldn’t see or understand what I was living with.

Pelvic pain wasn’t just something that happened to me physically. It seeped into my confidence, my relationships, my sense of self. Life became smaller, narrower, a series of careful negotiations with my own body. And yet, somewhere deep inside, there was a stubborn flicker — a belief that this wasn’t the whole story, that my life could be more than just managing pain.

“Every choice became about survival - not joy!"

MUST READ!! I share the following list ONLY so that you can know what my life once was. Maybe it can give you some comfort and hope. Most of them not at all!! A few will come back at times of stress, and less self-care, but NO acute pain cycles!

Read with care. It can be TMI for some souls!

Symptoms:

  • Dysmenorrhea (start age 11)

  • Uterine Fibroids x 5 (largest 10 cm) Inside uterus and outside uterus.

  • Ovarian Cyst

  • Lower Back Pain

  • Scoliosis

  • Foreign object feeling in left groin

  • Pain cycle in its acute phase would add diarrhea, uncontrollable burping, incapacitating pain (level10), lower back pain

  • Pain on sexual penetration

  • Clitoral pain

  • Bladder pain with sexual penetration

  • Rectocele

  • Constipation and diarrhea

  • Urinary urgency, hesitancy, and pain on voiding

  • Sitting pain

  • Standing pain

  • In the worst scenarios - I would have pain when lying down also

  • Rectal pressure

  • Hemorrhoids

  • Defecation pain and pressure, slow stools

  • Migraines